My thoughts lately

 I’m worried about a lot of things and I pray every day that I might completely be free from my worries and fears. I think being worried sometimes is part of being human. Not even with someone like me who has severely experienced deep childhood trauma. Everyday is a fight against worries and fears. I worry, I panic, I overthink but I think it has reduced. 

I’m now 27 years old and I’m worried if I’m doing the right thing or not. A lot of things have changed within the last 2 years of my life and one of them is shedding away my old self to birth this new me. It has been tough and the-same Time mind blowing. I didn’t know I was capable of such move until I started moving different. 

Now I’m alone with no one to call my friend, colleague or acquaintance . 

I’m stuck with a career or profession that I love so much and I’m passionate about. But which seems to be heading no where. 

I believe so much in myself but sometimes I feel that alone isn’t enough. I want to show evidence because no one cares about potential but result. Not that I care about what people think but I care about the people who look up to me. The likes of my siblings, parents and family. 

I worry because I am an introvert with no friends and any connections whatsoever outside of music and in the music industry, Who believes he is the next big thing. Does that not sound like delusion. Making social connections isn’t that hard for me though, I’m that guy with amazing social skills but where do I start from ?

Spiritual awakening has happened to me which almost turned me to abnormal person, it got worse when I experienced psychic attacks and energy theft. I’ve suddenly drifted from being a music producer and an artiste to being a wizard, pastor, monk, mystic and a psychic. All in one. 

All I do daily is pray in tongues, meditate, pray and whisper my affirmations like a wizard casting love portion spells. Merlin would have been so proud of me and wanting to  learn from me. I’m not allowed to say my affirmations out loud because I’m being watched and monitored by the people who are supposed to be my neighbors.  How did someone who is all about music and spreading positive vibes become this? 

All this was happening then Kundalini awakening also happened. I thought I was running mad. All thanks to the universe and the beautiful souls I met on the street of Twitter.  

My ignorance would have become the success and celebration of my enemies. 

With no friends, families, teacher and guru, I went through every spiritual psychosis, ego death, dark night of the soul and lots of integration. I’m not sure if all of those is over now but I feel completely different like an enlightened soul. 

I wouldn’t know if I have reached enlightenment yet but I feel totally different from how I use to feel. Just little worries, doubt and fears here and there that crosses my mind sometimes.